Day one, decision made.

 

Hello and welcome to my new blog. 

I used to blog in 2016 after I had got married but since life got in the way and I stopped. I've been on a personal journey with my 'ladies bits' yes that's right my pelvic area, Jack and Danny or my Morris Minor since 2015 when I started to really struggle with recurring pelvic pain plus ongoing heavy periods that started in my early teens. 

I've always had heavy periods from the word go, I can remember sitting in a geography lesson in year 9 during my first ever noticeable period when I thought I was going to pass out from the pain and I swore blood was leaking through my school uniform. I thought when I stood up everyone else was going to notice and say something. Of course that was all in my head. 

At breaks I'd rush to the toilets, ladies you will remember the school toilets - always stank and the locks on the cubicles never worked, the older 'cool' girls in upper years would be craning their necks for mirror space to reapply their Heather Shimmer and chat about who sat next to the hottest boy in the year at form time. Meanwhile I'd be huddled in my cubicle praying that nobody would try to come in while I dug into my school bag for my little bag of emergency supplies that I carried with me from the day Aunt flo appeared. I had a stash of the biggest sanitary towels I took from my mums supply in the bathroom, until I had the courage to ask her to buy some for me and not just those skimpy liners she thought suited me. 

I'd hope the mirror girls would have enough chatter to cover the sound of me opening my giant towel wrapper and discarding my used towel in the sanitary bin that it seemed was never emptied or replaced and held an astonishing amount of fag butts. If things had been particularly leaky, shifted or worst luck - I'd had a PE lesson, then I'd have to use the ultimate in emergency protection; a new pair of knickers. Yes at 14 it was that bad. 

Growing up I was thrust the 'facts of life' book for girls, including the never forgotten section on the 'special cuddle' between a man and a woman which then created a baby. WTAF even was that? A special cuddle? Please, I'd learnt more from my 'Just17' magazine or 'More' the one that explained 'position of the month'. 

Mum and I weren't close. There wasn't a huge amount of chat or discussion regarding periods. The night before my first period I can remember not sleeping, this wasn't unusual for the anxious teen that I was. I distinctly remember not sleeping well, having some odd crampy pains and then in the morning there is was. I called mum who gave me a sanitary towel and told me to have a nice day. That, was that. 

I had a small group of girl friends who I discussed all things period related with occasionally. They all seemed to fly through the 'time of the month' without the blink of an eye. I remember one friend who was caught off guard and new I had the supplies with me all the time once asked if she could have one of my towels. I nervously handed the one the the smallest ones in my stock, which for me was pretty large. Thankfully she didn't notice, she certainly didn't say anything. 

Those early monthlies which were relentlessly heavy, I became better and more confident at my school bathroom trips, despite this I was always so relieved when I’d start at the weekend while I was at home near my own loo.

My periods lasted anything from 5-7 days, the majority of those days were heavy, I’d hit the ground running, no trickles here just boom flooding, pain and even weird hot flushes. There never seemed to be a reliable pattern for my cycle either, 28 days, 24 days, 33 days it was a total roulette, hence my emergency bag of supplies in every bag I carried. To me it was normal. The worst was when I’d be invited to a sleepover at a friends house, imagine if I started while I was there. I felt shy and embarrassed about my periods even with my close friends. I couldn’t confide in my younger sister who hadn’t entered this territory, my tales I’m sure would terrify her.

So those were my early days.

Fast forward to 2021. I’m a 39 year old mum of two boys, age 8 and 13.

Thursday 7^th January is my day one. The day the weight of years of periods and everything that has gone with my gynae health lifted. Day one I made the decision to take meds to put myself into chemical, temporary menopause with the next stage a total hysterectomy.

Today I felt relief, I cried, I smiled, I hugged my 14 year old self stood in the bathroom wondering how on earth this bodily function inside me could be so brutal. I thanked my body for giving me two healthy children, and cried again.

It hasn’t been an easy decision and I am so lucky to have support from a fantastic gynaecology consultant who has been by my side since 2015.

This blog will take me from day one of this new chapter in my life.